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In Memoriam
Kathryn Gardner
1938-2002
From the Albuquerque Journal 10/22/02:
Kathryn Grace Gardner Fashing, 64, passed away peacefully on Friday, October
18, 2002. During her struggle with gallbladder cancer, she was in the loving
care of her daughters, Jamie Barr and Laura Fashing, with assistance from
her many devoted friends. Katie was born on April 21, 1938 in Southern
California, the daughter of Gordon and Grace Gardner. In addition to Jamie
and Laura, she is survived by her sisters, Ginger Textor of Fullerton, CA,
and Carolyn Broadwell of Napa, CA; her son-in-law, Thomas Barr; and her
grandchildren, Madeleine and Paul Barr.
Her light shone brightly, but not long enough. Her contributions to her
community were extraordinary; most notably for her leadership in creating
the first UNM Women's Center, the Rape Crisis Center, and the Albuquerque
Counseling Cooperative. Katie worked as a therapist in private practice
during the past 15 years. She loved being a mother and grandmother, and was
a lover of life. Katie fulfilled what most people strive for, she lived with
integrity surrounded by a community of family and friends, and she died with
dignity.
Her life will be remembered in a Memorial Service on Friday,
October 25, 2002 at 2:00 p.m. at the Unitarian Church, 3701 Carlisle Blvd.
NE (at Commanche). In lieu of flowers, please send donations to: UNM
Hospice, 1650 University Blvd. NE, #200, Albq., 87102; or YouthBuild New
Mexico Coalition, 510 2nd St. NW, #101, Albq., 87102.
Lois Rothschild Evezich
In
second grade we had long brown curls, we dressed alike when we could, and our
families took day trips together. There are 8 mm. movies of us now on video) at
San Juan Capistrano feeding the pigeons. That must have been fifth grade, we had
matching dresses, but Katie had already cut her hair, and I wasn't long in doing
the same.
Everything
Katie did I wanted to do. Everything she was I wanted to be. In the nature of
things, however, it wasn't possible. I was sometimes noisy and talked a lot, in
class and out, and Katie was reserved, funny, contemplative, and smarter. She
earned the respect of all who knew her. My impulsiveness meant I would always be
in her shadow, even if my chatter drew more attention.
Some
of us rushed into things, activities, relationships. Katie took her time. And
she didn't make many mistakes.
Katie
knew all my secrets. She must have been a wonderful therapist as she wasn't
judgmental even as a little girl. I confided in her until the end.
I once told her to send me a bill and she laughed and said we were friends and
the session was free!
I
learned from Katie up until a month before she died. She and my son were
diagnosed with cancer at the same time, and she was gone exactly a month before
he left us.
During
the summer of 2002, Katie was supportive of our own emotional pain, never
thinking of herself, grieving with our own family, always wanting to be in touch
when she could sit at a computer. I knew she was in pain of her own but there
wasn't anything I could do to comfort her. She comforted me, and just before she
died she wrote the most beautiful email to me. I've kept all of hers from last
summer.
She
said in one note, "I love the fact that we have had such a long, special
friendship." It was the last time I heard from her.
After
we married and had children, there were some times we weren't in close touch.
Every few years she'd call when she was in California, sometimes with her girls
who were the same age as my oldest daughters. They stayed with us a time or two,
and we'd walk on the beach and catch up. The connection was always immediate,
even though we led such different lives.
We
had a long visit in December 1996 in Albuquerque. Walked every morning in the
cold down to the Rio Grande and hashed over our lives, our husbands, our
children. It was the best visit we had as adults. I met her friends who loved
her as much as I did. I thought then and do now that she was fulfilled as a
woman. The connections she made in Albuquerque over the course of about 30 years
showed me her life as a mother of grown children and a grandmother. Certainly
the success of her two daughters is testament to her loving nature, and the
values she instilled in them.
Katie's
political activism left its mark on her, and she stayed true to those values all
her life. She saw through the superficial lives most people live. Her moral
stance about the condition of mankind, the importance of peaceful dialogue and
the respect for diversity led her to steadfast friendships, and certainly
influenced my own thinking. But then Katie always led me in the right direction
and I'm forever grateful for that influence.
Oh,
Katie, you died too young. We had so many good years left to be friends. You led
a healthy lifestyle, you took care of yourself in all ways, you had everything
figured out. I'm still scrambling around wondering about things, and in your
gentle way you were still showing me how to live, how to be happy, how to find
internal peace. If only the rest of us could follow your example.
I
will miss you all my life.
Gail Young Kamerer
I was deeply saddened by the death of Katie Gardner.
I had hoped to reconnect with her after many years
without contact. I did get one recent e-mail off to her, and
I hope she read it and knew that I cared about her.
With the exception of two years of college, Katie and I went all through school
together, and during all of those years I considered her to be a good friend. Most
of us, hopefully, improve with age, but Katie was always the same type of person.
The same good qualities that she carried as an adult were with her as a young
child.
Katie was always someone you could trust with your secrets, and she was
always loyal to those she cared about. I always admired Katie because she
was a wonderful student, and I know parents and teachers loved her because
she was always the kind of person who could be counted on to do the right
thing in any given situation.
Katie was fun to be with and I have wonderful memories of our elementary
school days. She had a shed or a playhouse in her backyard and many a happy
afternoon was spent with Lois Rothschild and myself in that playhouse. Her parents
invited me to go with their family on a trip to Death Valley. I have happy memories
of riding with Katie in the back of their old station wagon. There were scouts, and
camp, and during our days at Eliot we would often miss the bus and walk home together
sharing deep discussions of whatever twelve year old girls talk about. During my early
years Katie was an important part of my life.
I know that Katie accomplished a lot as an adult. She helped people with their
lives and started many good programs. She lives on in her good deeds and in
the memories that many of us shared with her.
Cheryl Smith
Dear Katie
I think we were supposed to write a eulogy but I don't know how to do
that so am sending you my love and memories as they surface and hope
you also enjoy them wherever you are in the universe.
I cry now when I think of you and it is my sadness because you are not here.
We did not talk often but the strength and continuity of our relationship was the same
as when it was established in junior high at Eliot. I had not been well for a couple of
years and this last year was feeling better and had planned to come to see you when I
received the news that you were very ill and probably would not want to see visitors.
Maybe more than anyone else in my life, I never felt like a visitor or casual acquaintance
with you but always with an incredible warm bond and sharing. When you told me a few
years ago that you felt like the "poor" member of our high school group I was astonished.
I was totally unaware. I always enjoyed the times at your house with you, sometimes
Ginger, your mom, and dad (Gordon) who took great pleasure in teasing me about one thing
or another. You always seemed to make friends so easily and had such a levelness while I was
off the wall sometimes.
I remember double dating , you with Eric Caldwell and me with Rich Nelson. Those were good times.
After graduation you came to me one day with a friend of yours who was pregnant and didn't want
to be. You said you thought I would know how to help her. I didn't know why you thought that, but
I did. Anyway you were very concerned about her. So we sent her to my wonderful
psychiatrist and
he said she was quite stable and it would be ok to tell her how go get an abortion. Since I knew a
place, I told her and she took care of it. I don't think that an abortion was an approach that
you
would have chosen but you stood by her before and after.
Over the years we saw you off and on during normal and momentous times. Jim remembers your
coming to our house around 1966 and telling us of all your sadness and disappointment that Joe
was leaving you and the girls. Jim was so surprised that you shared so much with him because it
was so intense and personal, and he really didn't know you well at that time. You and Jim always
had good conversations though. During the last class reunion the two of you talked
a lot and we
all discussed what you would wear to the reunion because what you usually wore in Albuquerque
was not exactly what folks out here were wearing. Jim and I sort of chuckled that a life long seasoned
counselor would feel insecure about what to wear.
I also remember the beautiful house you designed and had built near Albuquerque. It was lovely and
showed a real talent. Another of your talents I think was child rearing. We talked about how you and
he girls planned budgets and other things together during tough times, and how you and Joe hung
together to insure the girls didn't suffer from your separation. They have grown to be wonderful young
women. In addition, we shared some real giggles about personal issues but I think they should probably
remain personal..
I miss you! I feel like a stable and wonderful being has left my immediate life to be in the wider universe.
All my love always.
"Smitty" (Cheryl Suzanna Maria Nancy Dolores Dominques Delamo Katrina Smith Conel)
Dick Scoville
It's been 4 months now since
Katie's passing and I still find it hard to believe that such a fine person is no longer with us. Is she really gone? I
don't think so as I have had very little contact with Katie since Pasadena City College therefore, she is still very much a part of me when I
reflect back on the good times we had together.
Katie and I have been good friends since Eliot and used to double date a lot and go to
parties and dances with our mutual friends. It was really at PAC that we became fast friends. Right after high school it seemed that most of
our friends went to other schools and to a degree we were kind of alone at PAC. We used to use each other as "fill in" dates when we
needed to. It was a neat arrangement for a while and Katie was a lot of fun to be with.
She went on to US Santa Barbara after PAC and the last time she called me was on a Friday night saying she needed me to escort her somewhere on Saturday. I couldn't help her out this time
as I was getting married the next day. I will always remember Katie as a very special lady and wish I had known her as an adult.
Neal Salisian
Lois Rothschild Evezich very appropriately suggested that we, Muir Mustangs,
that were privileged to know and appreciate Katie Gardner Fashing, should
convey some terse comments regarding Katie, who sadly, like too many of our
classmates, is no longer with us.
Here is my spontaneous recollection of K A T I E:
K is for KINDEST..............She was one of the very kindest ladies we will ever know!
A is for ATTRACTIVE........She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on
the outside!
T is for TALENTED............She graciously and unselfishly served on
probably more Muir clubs and commissions than any of us!
I is for INTELLIGENT..........Remember that when she was in one of your
classes, she drove the grading curve through the roof!
E is for ENTERTAINING.....She was always delightful and it was a real
pleasure to spend quality time with her!
That spells K A T I E..........Katie, we all miss you! Vaya Con Dios.
Neal S. Salisian, Sr.
Eddie Moses
Too
often we measure sorrow by our omissions. When
it's too late, we always think of something we wanted to tell someone. But
yesterday is gone and thereís nothing we can do about it, neither today nor in
an eternity of tomorrows.
Going
back to my years at Edison, Eliot and Muir, I don't ever recall speaking to Katie
Gardner. Not once.
Whether or not we had a class and spoke casually or exchanged a hello in
the hall, I honestly don't recall, but if I did, I would have remembered.
In retrospect, I would have liked to have made friends then, but that was my
omission.
But
my cupboard of friendship with Katie wasn't altogether empty, and I owe her a
debt of gratitude for getting the exchange flowing.
My
first notable recollection of Katie was at that British pub on Friday night,
September 20, 1996, the eve before our fortieth year reunion. I shared a
picnic table with Katie and Lois Rothschild and watched them share a plate of fish and
chips. At school, I don't recall speaking with
Lois either. Not at Edison, Eliot or at Muir. I don't know why I found myself at their table, but there I
was.
The
next night, the night of the reunion dinner, we never spoke. What little time we had was spent with those we were closest
to trying to catch up on what life was like the previous 40 years.
A
year or two later, Lois emailed me and said Katie was coming from Albuquerque to
Fullerton and she had asked Lois if I could join them for lunch.
I was honored by her request. It
seemed strange that once again I was sharing a table with Katie and
We met at Angelo and Vince's, an Italian restaurant in Fullerton and
grazed on their popular Sunday champagne brunch.
The conversation went full gamut, from the triviality of the weather to
the thinking of Carl Gustav Jung. Katie
was in private practice as a therapist. We
discussed writing too. Writing was
something I enjoyed and Katie wrote as well.
As a reporter, writing was Lois's profession.
I
can't say I knew her very well, but I can say I knew very well of her.
She
was kind, gentle, loving, humble, intelligent, and private. I was struck by
Katie's poise and self-control. She
was gracious and dignified. Her dignity flowed from her self-assurance.
In
the little time I spent with her at the restaurant, I could tell she was a
caring person with a patient ear and a healing hand. She was the cream that
always rose to the top in any situation, and gave much more than she expected in
return. She lifted herself by
lifting others. She devoted her life to helping people cope with their problems,
while throwing her own to the wind.
To
her patients, she must have been the eye of the storm, a sheltered island to
ride out the winds of their own personal conflicts. That was the nature of the
profession she chose because that was Katie.
In helping people to cope, she brought people up. It's ironic that in death she brought many people down, struggling to cope with her passing.
Eulogies typically pay tribute after a loss. Katie's acclamations began well before her death.
Memories
shatter the silence of the grave. Keep Katie and all our classmates in your
memory and make every effort to prevent tomorrow's omission with others.
Though Katie may be forever absent from this world, she'll forever be in our
memory.
Webmaster's Note: For those who wish to contribute to this Memorial page, please send to: muirmustang1956@ix.netcom.com or esqeddie@ix.netcom.com
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